Your data. Absolutely roasted.
Upload your Spotify, Screen Time, or Strava screenshot. Get back a card so savage you'll screenshot it twice.
Free • No account • Takes 30 seconds
Your Spotify Wrapped
Your taste in music is a certified cry for help.
3,847 minutes of Taylor Swift's 'Sad Girl Autumn' playlist. 23 consecutive plays of 'All Too Well (10 Minute Version)' at 2am. Your 'workout' playlist is 40% breakup songs. The algorithm has given up trying to help you.
We will judge it and it will offend.
⚠️ Any output generated by RoastCard may offend, embarrass, or sting. That's kind of the point.
🚫 This platform is not intended for anyone who identifies as a Karen.
> process.steps()
How It Works
01
Upload your screenshot
Spotify Wrapped, Screen Time, Strava, Amazon cart, or any data screenshot. If it's data, we'll use it against you.
02
AI reads your data
Our model analyzes your habits, choices, and questionable decisions — without mercy.
03
Get your roast card
A savage, shareable card drops. Free for the watermarked version. £2.99 to remove the watermark and get the clean shareable card.
> intensity.set()
You choose how hard we hit
From a gentle nudge to complete annihilation. You're in control.
Pick your tone when you roast ↗
> targets.list()
Everything is roast-worthy.
If your data exists, we will make fun of it.
Spotify Wrapped
347 hours this month. Top artist: Phoebe Bridgers. Still.
“347 hours this month. That's not a playlist — that's a personality disorder with a shuffle button.”
SCREEN TIMEScreen Time
9h 43m daily average. Instagram: 4h 12m/day. 127 pickups.
“9h 43m daily average. Your phone battery has more stamina than your will to stop.”
FITNESSStrava Stats
3.2km at 8:14/km. Weekly goal: 1/5 runs. Heart rate: 162bpm.
“3.2km at 8:14/km. Even your GPS is embarrassed. It kept autocorrecting 'run' to 'shuffle'.”
Amazon Cart
£340.22 saved for later. 7 items. 0 bought. 0 deleted.
“£340.22 saved for later. That's not a wishlist. That's a monument to your delusional optimism.”
Messages
Mum: "are you coming home for Christmas?" — Read 3 days ago. No reply.
“Read 3 days ago. No reply. The silence is doing more therapy than you ever will.”
Duolingo
47-day streak. Portuguese. Bronze league for 6 months. XP: 4,280.
“47-day streak in Portuguese you've never spoken to a human in. Duolingo owl is the longest relationship you've maintained.”
Camera Roll
2,847 photos. 847 selfies. 12 videos. 0 printed.
“847 selfies. You took 847 photos of the same face and not one of them made the cut.”
Gaming Stats
Elden Ring: 847 hrs total. Last 2 weeks: 31.4 hrs. Achievement: No Life.
“847 hours on Elden Ring. You've mastered a fictional world and nothing else.”
Netflix
14 shows paused mid-season. Top genre: Comfort Re-watches.
“14 shows paused mid-season. You don't watch TV, you haunt it.”
LinkedIn Activity
Profile: 71% All-Star. Views: 12. Appeared in 34 searches. 0 recruiter replies.
“71% profile strength. The 29% it's missing is any actual achievements.”
Deliveroo History
£284 this month. Spice Garden: 23× this year. Avg: £28.40.
“23 Spice Garden orders this year. The delivery driver knows your name. You don't know theirs.”
Dating App
47 right swipes. 3 matches. 0 conversations. 0 super likes left.
“47 right swipes. 3 matches. 0 conversations. Your rizz has a 404 error.”
> templates.preview()
Pick your roast.
Upload your data, get a card. Here's what each one looks like.
“87% of your listening time is the same 12 songs. You didn't find your vibe — you found a comfort blanket and you haven't let go since 2019.”
Get Roasted →“9h 43m on your phone yesterday. You slept 6 hours. Your phone is your main personality now and your friends have noticed.”
Get Roasted →“£340 in your saved-for-later. You didn't save it for later — you saved it because you're scared to either commit or delete it. That's not a cart. That's an anxiety bucket.”
Get Roasted →“You've ordered the same curry 6 times this month and you still don't know how to make rice. The driver buzzes your flat before he even parks.”
Get Roasted →“Average pace: 8 mins 14 secs/km. That's not a run. That's a brisk panic shuffle with a heart rate monitor attached to your regrets.”
Get Roasted →“You have 23 unread threads, left 4 people on read for 3+ days, and your last text to your best friend was 'lol'. Outstanding work.”
Get Roasted →“Day 47 streak. You've spent more time learning Portuguese than talking to your mum this month. Obrigado for nothing.”
Get Roasted →“31 hours in one week. Steam auto-awarded you a badge called 'No Life'. It was not ironic. That's a full-time job with worse pay and better lore.”
Get Roasted →“14 shows paused mid-season. 22 episodes this week. You're not binge-watching — you're comfort-eating content and calling it a personality.”
Get Roasted →“3 recruiters viewed your profile and you ghosted all of them. You've visited 34 profiles this week and posted nothing. 71% complete. Same as your life plan.”
Get Roasted →“This week: 47 right swipes, 3 matches, 0 conversations started. You typed 'hey', deleted it, and closed the app. Three times. They can't see that. But we can.”
Get Roasted →“Jake is 29 and has been 'almost ready to move out' since 2021. His 6 closest friends all independently mentioned the shower curtain. Happy birthday, mate.”
Get Roasted →> roast.ready()
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