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Roast Card Examples

Real AI roasts, real data. This is what happens when you let GPT-4o judge your digital life.

🎵 Spotify · Savage

Your 'Discover Weekly' Is Giving Up on You

Congratulations — you've listened to the same 47 songs since 2019 and your top artist has a restraining order pending. Spotify's algorithm has categorized your music taste as 'please seek help.' Your 'Daily Mix 1' is just sad indie played at varying tempos.

#RepeatOffender#SpotifyWrapped#OneArtistWonder
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📱 Screen Time · Nuclear

You Spent 4.5 Hours on TikTok Yesterday and Called It Research

Your Screen Time report reads like a cry for help formatted as a bar chart. The 'most used apps' section is just TikTok in 5 different fonts. You've given yourself weekly limits and broken them 14 consecutive times — your phone doesn't respect you anymore.

#DigitalAddict#ScreenTimeShame#TikTokResearch
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💸 Bank Statement · Savage

Your Bank Statement Is a Wellness Check Nobody Asked For

Three Deliveroo orders in one Tuesday is not a 'rough week', it's a personality trait. Your 'savings goals' folder contains exactly £47 and a broken promise. The financial literacy book you bought on Kindle has been 0% read since March 2024.

#FinanciallyFeral#DeliverooDependent#SavingsLie
ROASTCARD.APPRoast yours →
🏃 Strava · Playful

The GPS Route You Posted Looks Like a Drunk Map

You ran 3.2km and gave it a title like 'Morning Miles 💪' as if you just completed an ultramarathon. Your average pace suggests you were mostly walking and filming yourself. Kudos received: 2 (both from your mum).

#StravaLie#SlowAndSteady#MumGaveKudos
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🛒 Shopping Cart · Savage

You Added £340 of Things You'll Never Own

Your saved-for-later cart is a museum of ambition. The standing desk has been in there since January 2023. You have 3 different 'journal for productivity' variants bookmarked on Amazon — none of them started. Checkout is not in your vocabulary.

#CartAbandoner#CheckoutNever#WishlistHoarder
ROASTCARD.APPRoast yours →
💬 WhatsApp · Nuclear

You Leave Chats on Read Like It's a Cardio Exercise

Your 'blue-tick and vanish' technique has ended 3 friendships and one situationship. The family group chat has 847 unread messages and you've muted it until 2099. Your last seen: 'Yesterday' — you have not been seen since.

#BlueTickBandit#GroupChatGhost#ReadAndFlee
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