> amazon.roast()
Roast My Amazon Orders — AI Reads Your Purchase History
Upload a screenshot of your Amazon order history and get a savage AI roast card. GPT-4o will analyse every impulse buy and tell you exactly what it says about you.
Free • No account • Your screenshot is never stored
Free roast in 30 seconds — no account needed
> sample.output()
Here's what you're in for.
📦 Amazon · Order History
“£347 on 'Organisation Products' and Your Flat Still Looks Like a Storage Unit”
Your Amazon order history has been analysed and the findings are damning. You've purchased three separate label makers, two 'complete home organisation systems', and a colour-coded filing cabinet — none of which appear to have been used based on your follow-up purchase of 'home storage bins (set of 24)' six weeks later. You ordered a vegetable spiralizer in January, an air fryer in March, and 'The Lazy Person's Guide to Healthy Eating' in April. The through-line is inspirational. GPT-4o files this under: 'aspirational purchases from a future self who never shows up'.
How to roast your Amazon orders
01
Get your order history
Log in to Amazon and click 'Returns & Orders' in the top right. Screenshot your order history page — filter by year if you want to see a full year of purchases.
02
Upload it
Hit the button below, drop in your screenshot, and pick your roast tone — Playful, Savage, or Nuclear. Nuclear is recommended.
03
Get your roast card
GPT-4o reads every order and returns a custom roast card in seconds. Free with watermark. Remove it for a clean shareable card.
🔒 Privacy: Your screenshot is used only to generate your roast. It is never stored, shared, or used to train models. We don't connect to your Amazon account — we just read the image you upload. Nothing is saved after your card is created.
Ready to face your order history?
Free roast card with watermark. No account. Takes 30 seconds.
Roast My Order History →Free • No account • Your screenshot is never stored
Free roast in 30 seconds — no account needed
> faq()
Frequently asked
What Amazon screenshot should I upload?+
Go to amazon.co.uk (or .com) → Returns & Orders. You'll see your full order history with dates and prices. Screenshot that page — the more orders visible, the more the AI has to work with. You can also filter by year to see a longer history.
Will it judge my impulse purchases?+
Those are its speciality. GPT-4o is trained to identify patterns — the 11pm buys, the fitness gear you never used, the organisational products purchased to manage the chaos from the last organisational products. All of it is fair game.
Is my order data stored or shared?+
Never. Your screenshot is sent to GPT-4o for analysis and discarded immediately. We store only the roast text, not your order history. We have no connection to your Amazon account.
Can it roast my Prime subscription usage?+
If your screenshot shows order frequency and delivery speed, yes — the AI can absolutely work out whether Prime is paying for itself or whether you just like the psychological comfort of knowing you could order something quickly.